yayy done up with chapter 12~ now its wendy's 1, 2 & 3... arghz.. seems like there's no time left... as brian would say.."diu"

here's a little something i found on my friend's blog..

i found out something(through checking my previous blog). it dates back to february this year actually. but why didn't i just accept the harsh fact then? what's this all about? deceiving myself? dawn saw them, shu did. so did anie. how else can i deny it? why must i only be convinced only when i see you all right before my eyes? still, even with what i saw tdy, i wonder if i can be convinced for good. the idea is - for good.

i realise what it feels to be so near yet so far now. we may have become more open towards each other, you may be chatting with me, you may lend me your shou ce, send me crappy videos of your class, you may even be right beside me on the bus, but your heart i don't own. it never was mine to begin with.


she has all along been here. it's just that i don't acknowledge her prescence. i lied to myself repeatedly; brainwashed myself and got myself into this. it's nothing new actually. she has all along been in the picture. but i fooled myself. somehow i just indoctrinated myself over and over again that it's not true, or that was all in the past. truth is, it never ended. it still prevails. like till now. today it was destined that i had to sit beside her, and see you walking to her and then subsequently leaving together. it's fate that i had to witness everything. but i do get the full picture now. what more can i say? best wishes//


someone, tell me im dreaming, because i am, beyond doubt, sick of this cycle. the cycle, that's happened so many blo*dy times and sunk me into agony. i thought we just had a great time chatting last morning and night? why is it like this today? what did i do wrong? or what did i not do? i can't help but think that the two of you are together at this exact moment as im typing this sentence. i have no idea how to go on from here. what am i gonna do? you know, crying is cathartic, it really helps. i want to cry so badly, but somehow, the tears won't flow.


could have trusted that hole in my heart and i didn't. quote me and i'll die of this shame. skin me alive and i'll live because i'll remember this pain.

:: pseudonym 11:39 PM [+] ::

pseudonym really means nameless.. that's not her real pen off nick though.. jus cos i want to keep it private to her... i was thinking about the same... what if that happens to me and in this context zach?"because i am, beyond doubt, sick of this cycle. the cycle, that's happened so many blo*dy times and sunk me into agony"

.:pseudonym:. burned at 9:37 AM