i cracked up in school today... technically it's yesterday.. on wednesday.. didn;t think i'd ever cry in polytechnic. but i just couldn't take it.. i was stuck for half an hour on a bloody supposedly easy mechanism fo chemistry cos the answers i got was,"girle, why are you making life so diff? just draw out a structure and it'd do.."
"so can it doesnlt matter where i place my alkyl group and my halides?"
"ya, just draw anything out"
"so is this correct?" shows work
"no the x-group's not suppose to be on this side cos the mechanism is E2. its suppose to be on the other side..."
WTF
didn't she just say anythin will do? i was not geting the answers i wanted and i was frustrated.

and it wasn't any better that the others studying there were asking and discussing somthing i utterly know nothing about. i was lost during the whole 2hrs and i was trying soo damn fucking hard to comprehend.. but no matter how i tried, it just didn';t help. i was fustrated, disappointed and angry at maself. i was so frustrated angry tears just blinked out of my eyes onto my paper.. after the first tear, which i had been trying so damn hard holding em back, dropped.. the others just fell outta my eyes like a broken tap. i couldn't take it no more. i had enough. i had to leave the table and cry it out and compose myself. didn't think i'd ever cry under pressure. i mean like seriously cry. teared maybe, but not today i just couldn't stop. they fell, fell like a broken lawn sprinkler. i threw my pencil on the table and said,"you know what, i can't take this anymore. i can' fucking understand the question and i damn bloody disappointed at this whole shit." with that closing i left the table. i just had to.. a little attitude i figured but i couldn't care less. they were a lil shocked cos i've always been very good with last minute work.. they didn't expect me to lose it jsut like that.. its not just the chemistry, it was everything. i jsut CANNOT TAKE IT. i had to release the mounting pressure. if not i would have switched a chord.

i went back to the table and tried to get back to work after i cooled down and actually regain sanity. but when i did i teared more.. i was a lil chem-phobic. i really couldn't continue. so i left. i think i pissed cindy off a little cos i asked her to stay to teach me chem even though she cou;d have gone home to study biochem techniques which is like technically tmr. so she asked me to self read first and ask her anything i couldn't understand. i did just that but was not getting the answers i wanted that was part of the reason behind me craking up. i wanna thank her for coming down to teach me though not much really. but still i wasted her time. but i really couldn't continue. its been 8 hours since that happened and i have not touched the notes since then. biochemistry T final test is on friday..
so,
TECHNICALLY I'M SCREWED

i'm such a disappointment


oct 1st babies:
wei jie
bryan ho
*happy birthday*

xueying wrote me an e-mail*
i'm happy*

but still not with myself.

.:pseudonym:. burned at 1:10 AM