About Asian Abuse
Written by Sarah

We started this group after discovering that most Asian people we knew had or have unhappy childhoods. In most cases we had similar circumstances. We grew up with parents who criticized everything we did. There was never a "give it your best shot." If we strove to do our best, they wondered why we didn't do better. Getting a ‘B' on your report card is equivalent to receiving a low mark. There's extreme pressure to perform well in our studies so that we can attend medical school.

The Asian dream of having one or all children become doctors is no joke. If we can't be doctors (even a pharmacist is acceptable), we should be lawyers, dentists, or engineers. It doesn't matter that we'll be paying for school debts until our mid-forties before we start to make money. Becoming a doctor means the money will roll in. If we can't become a doctor, we should marry a doctor. The ultimate dream for our parents is for us to become a doctor and marrying a doctor.

Go ahead and ask some of your Asian colleagues about their parents' marriages. You'll most likely discover that many Asian marriages are barely holding together. Oftentimes couples do not resolve their issues, and the result is that their marriage suffers, as well as their children. It is from our experience that such Asian couples would be better off divorced. But unfortunately, the culture frowns upon separation.

In many households with conflict, there is a clear understanding that what goes on between the parents' and children are two entirely separate issues. Not so with some Asian families. One or both parents may try to get the children on their side by badmouthing their spouse. In other words, the children are regarded nothing more than pawns.

In addition, violence begets violence. It may not be our parents' fault that they hit their children. They, too, might have suffered abuse as a young child. Still, childhood memories of being beaten does not stop them from laying a hand on their children. Asian parents are quite creative in doling out punishment. I remember getting hit with wooden chopsticks, having my ear pulled and twisted, and being punched. I also remember not being struck where it can't be covered with clothes.

But perhaps the most favored weapon of choice is the long-handled feather duster. In Vietnamese it's called the choi long ga, but most Asians would recognize it upon description. The feather duster has many uses. Not only is it good for dusting and sweeping, but its bamboo handle makes and excellent weapon of choice to inflict pain on misbehaving children. Used properly, it will create thin red welts, and if the parent is angry enough, the welts will being bleeding. Needless to say, it hurts like a motherfucker, and from there on out most kids always learn their "lesson."

No culture is perfect, and every family has its secrets, and the Asian household is no exception. It may seem like something from The Joy Luck Club, but perhaps you'll find that many Asians can identify with Amy Tan's novel. I know I did.

we've always been brought up the same way any asian child would be in any part of the world hence when i read this article it didn't occur to me that being caned was such a big deal. once i was caned so badly that i couldn't sit on my bum for three days. it would bleed if i did. i didn't think it was abuse. rather it was because i had done something wrong. what i cannot remember but i did remember that i would purposely forget to bring my text book to school hence have to accept punishment by standing outside the classroom. it wasn't punishment to me, it was release for my butt. the beatings were like negative reinforcement. if you did something wrong, you'd get it. so the best is jsut do it right. for what we may not know. but its for your own sake. so it all boils down on how high the bench mark is set. depending on the parent. as the chinese would say,"bu da bu cheng cai" meaning a child would never succeed if you do not beat. i just pity kids whose parents would give them a good spanking if they had scored 95 out of a 100... it was nightmare. i'm blessed to have parents who would just ask me to do my best. but sometimes i wonder if i had let them down.

.:pseudonym:. burned at 12:01 AM