will i be happier if i lowered my expectations?

today Mr B. the one who offered me the full time job after my grad told me that even if i joined hte company in june next year i won't actually be a full timer in that company cos of funny regulations that they actually have and all that budget nonsense.

in short. it means i have to work under a different department name, do that department's duties plus the desired dept duties. Until 2006 where the new budget will be drawn. he said that it would be very unfair for me to take on so much duties but he really cannot do anything about that. he also kinda talked me out of it -again-. and tried to confirm that i'm looking at this as a long term thing. but i understand why he had to tell me all the downside of the job, he wants me to understand it all and not regret in future. he means well.

for my part, i feel that i've pretty much confirmed me feelings towards the job and the satisfaction that i will get from it. as long as He's confirmed, i'm confirmed. i think. also i have considered all the downside about it. the weekend burns, the PH burns, the stressed environment. the low pay and all. but. but it is a job that i will truly die for... isn't it?

ah, money. the root of all evil. the cause of much worry and stress. well, at least from where i come from it is. i know people 3 years older than me earning 2K per week. that's 8K/month. and to thinkt hat i'm struggling with saving my first thou. i spend aggressively. i need to change that. really i do. i'm talking about life changes. my habits. bad. earning so little means no car.

sometimes i really do wish i knew how to ride a bike. i feel like getting that license. a bike is so much damn cheaper. and having your own transport is really very much more convenient from where i stay. the highway is just 1 km away from my house can? :[ imagine. i will take only 10 minutes to get to work and 1 hour with public transport. think of hte sleep. aw man. i'm a sucker for sleep.

*i just kinda remembered a pact i made with a dear friend of mine. that if both of us were not married or without prospective husbands by 37 we'd move in together and the house we agreed on is not exactly cheap. plus we wanna invest in a car. oh man. i need to work doubly hard. like teach tuition besides working.

no one can make this decision for me that is also why i have not told anyone about it. cos i seriously don't want their advices to affect my decisions. so for friends that i haven't been totally open about this job offer, i'm sorry for not being too open about this part of my life. reactions and comments kinda disturbs me alot so i rather keep it to myself.

at least regret, if any, will be accounted for. cos i made this decision based on my own, well, decision and also my philosophy in life.

but right now the main important thing in my life would be finishing my final year project and get that diploma. sometimes i think, had i not worked in that job i wouldn't have been in this situation. and no, this is not a bad situation. its just a situation. a thing in life. imagine, i could be talking about where to futher my studies now, worrying about entry GPAs instead of whether or not should i be working full time.
fate sometimes work in funny ways.
i'm not feeling too well. going to bed.

.:pseudonym:. burned at 9:15 PM